GREG GUTFELD: More Americans are feeling disillusioned with our political system

Happy Tuesday, everyone. Now we have first order of business. Did you buy Kat’s book yet? That’s more than a smattering, and not just for the pictures. If it’s not number one, she said she’ll shiv me in the kidney and she means the good one. I wonder, can you live with zero kidneys? I know for a fact you can live for years without a brain and be successful. 

PICTURE OF THE LADIES FROM THE VIEW 

Now that that’s out of the way, a new Gallup poll shows a record number of Americans are identifying as politically independent, 49%, in fact, compared to 25% who identify as Republicans and another 25 who identify as female competitive swimmers. That’s shocking since just two decades ago, independents accounted for the lowest percentage of voters. As seen in this easy-to-understand graph. 

Yeah, I drew that on the way home last night. Pete Hegseth gives one hell of a piggyback ride. So you might be asking yourself – self what happened since 2004? I mean, other than Joe Biden’s hair plugs turning 60? Gallup points to the disillusionment with the political system, US institutions and the two parties which are seen as ineffectual, too political and too extreme. So yeah, you could say people are fed up with two parties, but we’ve been saying that forever. Something different is going on. First, believing in the Constitution, a strong border, low taxes and basic biology is an extreme. In fact, the only thing extreme about Republicans is their love for Balance of Nature. Yeah, just last night I couldn’t walk into the studio. But then I took Balance of Nature and I had two men carry me in. 

So could it be this current administration is so incompetent and far left it scared the living s*** out of everybody, creating a new pool of liberals who can’t recognize liberals anymore? Think about it. Who would have thought there would be a party who champions drag queens as in school entertainment? Who would have thought there would be a party that happily defends grown men beating women in sports? Who would have thought there would be a party run by people who collectively fart dust? It means they’re old. Here’s another theory I thought up while in the shower popping Larry Kudlow’s back acne. 

FORMER PENN SWIMMER LIA THOMAS HAS OLYMPIC GOALS, SAYS TRANS WOMEN ‘NOT A THREAT TO WOMEN’S SPORTS’

Everybody has it. People are going independent because there’s just no accountability anymore. Bad stuff just disappears. Much like Jesse Watters when the bill comes. And the disappearances only go in one direction. Some Democrats commit crimes and walk away scot-free. Meanwhile, a Trumper makes one mistake at the Capitol – in jail to this day. That should disillusion anyone. There are other head-scratchers too. Like whatever happened to Jeffrey Epstein’s client list? Seems like it’s the only classified doc under lock and key these days. My theory is Hillary is resting on top of it. Her folds of warm skin, protecting it like a male penguin does an egg. 

That was visual. And what’s up with the trans Nashville shooter’s manifesto? Hell, if only we had that kind of stonewalling for the southern border. Add that to a list of things we’ll never see. You know, right after Kilmeade’s next book. And did the government ever find out who leaked the Supreme Court decision overturning Roe v Wade? That should be easier to find than the leak Biden left on the Oval Office rug. I say put the suspects in a room and show “Outnumbered” until someone confesses. In the meantime, they sic the FBI on Trump over his classified docs and tracked down some nerdy National Guardsman for leaking secrets about our involvement in Ukraine. Turns out our government’s been totally lying about that war like they do about every war. 

But like I told that guy who sold me meat out of his van, I’m not stupid. The pork shank was still wearing socks. Meanwhile, Hunter’s laptop, Joe Biden’s own carelessness with documents. Who cares, right? It’s funny. These things seem to break the Democrats’ way all the time. 

Meanwhile, Trump can’t fart without being investigated for it. Speaking of which, Eric Swalwell still had sex with Chinese spies. And that stinks more than his boxers. No wonder we’re sick of politicians. And like Joe Biden’s nurses, we’re also sick of their s***. 

SWALWELL EXTENDS SILENCE ON INTERACTIONS WITH SUSPECTED CHINESE SPY

Perhaps it’s this thumb on the scale that makes us go independent. The extreme left wants to shove bugs down your throat, then wash it down with Bud Light. They want to ban your gas oven and have privileged discussions with your kid over gender. 

My rule? Never trust an adult who says to a child “this will be our little secret.” I learned that from my uncle and his bowling team. The point is, it’s natural for us to gravitate to one party’s ideas. But imagine you’re just a moderate Dem. They do exist. But then the party slips in some crazy crap and people are like, Whoa, this wasn’t part of the plan. It’s like dropping a political roofie in your drink. The next thing you know, you’re like, Why is math mass theft legal? What happened to cash bail? Why is there a fat hairy dude dressed as a lady squatting in my living room, teaching my three-year-old to twerk? And how did Wolf Blitzer get the keys to my house? 

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So cheers to the independents. But just remember, come election time, maybe try something new. If you can’t make up your mind, pick the person who does the least amount of damage. These days, that’s almost always going to be a Republican.